Arizona’s Traditional “SixC’s”: Copper, Cattle, Citrus, Cotton, Climate and Canadians!
One million Canadians visit this state each year and as hospitable as Arizonians might be — we come for the climate. We also leave over $1 billion behind… some of it falling out of our pockets as we frantically search for our car keys in the parking lots of malls. We’re old, we’re Baby Boomers, we’re Snowbirds, we’re… where was I? Oh yeah, grounded by COVID for two years, so more Snowbirds are expected to flock to Arizona this winter than ever before.
So first let me say, you have nothing to fear from Canadians. We’re friendly and polite to a fault. That old joke about how you get a bunch of Canadians out of the pool — you say “please get out of the pool” — is absolutely true. Except for hunting, we’re not really all that enamored with guns. If you spot a Canadian who’s been described as ‘locked and loaded’, he’s likely had too much to drink, trapped in his car and unable to find that button that unlocks the driver’s door.
Just so we’re clear, Canadians relocating to the Phoenix area do not include those over-paid underachieving hockey players who suit up for a team named after nocturnal animals that howl all night because they can only see the cactuses during daylight. Just sayin’.
Canadians have been accused of eating a disgusting mix of cheese curds and gravy called poutine, buying our milk in plastic bags, and saying “Eh?” at the end of our sentences. Sadly, all this is true. Also, that cheap joke — “What’s the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A canoe tips” — has a certain ring of truth to it. We prefer the word ‘frugal’!
Canadians do however brew beer that cannot bet be swapped for a urine sample in order to pass a drug test. Although we would not go to war to protect our citizens being held hostage in foreign lands, we would send up a squadron of F-18s to protect our nine-billion-gallon reserve of maple syrup.
Canadians actually did introduce a one-dollar coin as part of our currency, when Americans dither over the Susan B. Anthony. Composed mostly of bronze, we called it the ‘Loonie’. It was so successful we came back with a two- dollar coin. Made mostly of nickel, we called it the “Toonie”.
Soon we will introduce a five-dollar coin made from our iconic maple tree. We’re extremely excited about this because by January 1, 2022, Canada will be enjoying its very first “Woody”.
So, let’s all get along like two kids in a tanning salon. Arizona is the warm desert retreat of our heart’s desire and we’re exceptionally good for the local economy. Be nice to us or else — and yes, consider this a direct threat — we will introduce curling to your state.
And for the record — Justin Bieber is not Canadian. Is not! No way, I think his family comes from Anchorage, Alaska. Cheers!